Bum Categories

You may have misunderstood the title of this post. This is not going to be about the various types of posterior I have come across in Vancouver, it is actually about the different approaches homeless people like to take in order for you to give them your change.

Some of you may be unaware, like I was, of the many methods homeless people go to, so I will go through the ones I have witnessed first hand. 

(Warning: Stop reading if you are easily offended or are highly sympathetic towards homeless people. I am not.)

The No Effort Bum

This is the bum we all know and love. They can be identified by their lack of effort. They are normally the older, more experienced bums, who have been through it all. They sit/lie down in a doorway, pretending to be asleep for the entire day. Often these bums don't even look to be trying to ask for money. If they want to put in the minimal of effort, they may have placed a plastic cup beside themselves. Overall, these bums get almost no money.

The Minimal Effort Bum

These bums put in slightly more effort than the No Effort bum. They may actually appear to be awake, rather than hiding. They won't sit out of harms way in a doorway. They tend to sit on busy streets with lots of passing traffic. Often they are holding some sort of sign along the lines of "hungry, need money for food." If they are feeling energetic, they may blurt out the words "Spare change?", but that tends to be the extent of their efforts. Again, they will have a cup for collecting coin and they are likely to earn a little more money than the No Effort bum. 

The Decent Effort Bum

These bums will put in a decent amount of effort towards their trade. They might actually stand, smile and often be polite, wishing you a nice day even if you completely ignore them. They often stand opening doorways to busy places, like train stations. You will feel a bit of guilt come across you as you walk past this kind of bum, as at least they are trying and they are polite. These will surely earn more than the previous mentioned bums. 

The Above and Beyond Bum

These are the highest quality homeless people. They put in personalized effort, approaching people in a one on one situation, explaining their story and asking nicely if you have any spare change. This is the only I have ever given money to, once. He offered to take a photograph of me and my friend when we having individual photos near the coast. He didn't even look like a bum. I said no to the photograph as he seemed dodgy, but I did give him $2 for his kindness.

The Guilt Trip Bum

Guilt is their game and money is their aim. These bums often act like the Minimal Effort bum, only they do their absolute best to make you feel guilty. They look so sad and brazen, staring into abyss, often holding signs along the lines of "Too proud to prostitute, too honest to steal." That example was one of a few young female bums I have come across. It is difficult to not feel sad for these, as they are so young. I'm unsure how well they perform financially. 

The Stand-Up Bum

Comedy is this persons profession. They can be found holding funny signs such as "Smile if you masturbate". They surely get a few giggles and at least they are attempting to brighten up your day. Their goal, however, is to get you to look at their sign long enough for them to speak to you. Have a quick glance, then walk on by, unless of course you want to lured into their trap.

The Opportunist Bum

If there is one bum I hate, this is it. They will do anything to get their hands on your money, putting you in in-deniable positions regarding whether or not you have change. They will sometimes sit outside of shops (Normally 7 11's) so as soon as you leave the shop (and of course have change) they are waiting to pounce.

However, the absolute worst, is the bums that target you at ticket kiosks for the Sky Train. As your change is pouring out of the machine after buying a ticket with a $20 note, they approach you as if from nowhere, and ask if you have any spare change. Well what do you think? You just heard about $17 in coins clang into the change tray, of course I have change, I'm just not giving it to you. 

I am so sick of homeless people here I don't even bother with excuses anymore. I simply say I am not giving them money, rather than saying I don't have change